I’m Q.
I’m an anonymous guy.
I began writing this blog as a promise to a friend. It began when we were having a conflict. She expressed the opinion that I see the world as a hostile place (and therefore I’m afraid of everything around me, it probably prevents me from experiencing intimacy, etc.).
I agreed: it’s true; I think the universe is hostile.
Eventually, I also agreed that it was a problematic viewpoint. My pessimism was probably skewing all my interpersonal interactions towards the negative: I start with negative expectations and then finish with negative results. This merely reinforces my view that the universe is hostile.
However, this is not evidence that the universe is hostile. It’s more likely evidence that we tend to get the results we expect.
I made a promise to her. While I didn’t believe I could change some problematic attitudes on the spot, like my pessimism, or suddenly ditch deep and long-held fears that I believe are protecting me and — for all I know — contributing to my pessimism, there was maybe something I could do right now, with no delay.
I promised her, starting immediately, every day, I would begin writing down one example of something I saw that was evidence of a friendly universe. I didn’t promise there would be any great attitude or personality shift from this, but I did promise I would do it.
I liked the idea. I thought it would do several things, at minimum:
One, it gave me a specific and concrete change of behavior that I could promise to make, and that I could do right now, without asking her to wait for some vague future day when I’d maybe show an improved attitude. It would also show (immediately) that I took her point of view seriously. Along with that, I thought the activity may, over time, nudge me out of my pessimistic rut, which, actually, would be pretty cool.
Also, I was sure it would be a great exercise for me: at minimum, I would benefit from experiencing the pleasure of noticing and documenting moments of “friendliness” in the universe. It would be fun.
When I began looking for a notebook and pen, it occurred to me to keep this list publicly, in a blog. The main reason was that I thought it would keep me honest and motivated — she, and everyone else in the world, would see if I was keeping up with it or not, unlike if I wrote in a notebook that I put in a drawer.
Also, I simply liked the idea of making a public declaration: “Hey everyone, I am promising to do this thing.” It’s like announcing to your whole office you’re going to lose 50 pounds. If you fail, or slack off, you’ll lose face. As this has gone on, I haven’t really thought much about whether the friend to whom I promised I’d do this checks in on the blog; I don’t really care. I’m doing this entirely for myself at this point.
At the time of writing this, Jan. 29, 2017, I’ve been rather pleased with how this has been going. First of all, it’s been fun to think everyday about what I saw today that is evidence of a friendly universe. On days when I feel particularly down-trodden, tired, depressed, angry, pessimistic, a victim of the universe’s (supposed) hostility, I’m still compelled to seek in the corners of the day for evidence of a friendly universe.
It’s been very cool. Evidence of the universe’s friendliness, I’m finding, is abundant. And, truly, I feel like this activity of seeking it out, noticing it, documenting it, is diminishing my pessimistic view of the universe. Certainly, at this point, I’d no longer call the universe purely hostile.
I’m nothing if not tenacious and I’m not ready to totally relinquish my status quo grumpy position that the universe sucks; I’ve held so tightly to this point of view for so long, it’s like a dear friend. But that dear friend that I’ve held so close and for so long, I’m starting to discover, has been dead for quite a long time, and my clinging to it is probably off-putting to others — probably to me too! — and probably making my universe a crappy place to live.
However, I have definitely begun experiencing a softening of my position. Definitely, I’d say the universe is not only hostile. And, truly, there are a remarkable number of examples that this is a friendly space. Maybe it’s half-friendly? Two-thirds? 95% with just a few bad apples?
Over time, it’ll be interesting to see what happens with this blog and my attitude. (Frankly, I feel I can already see that my attitude is going to improve. I’m noticing a lot of really cool, friendly things out there!)
Q