So, there’s this guy I’ve known for about eight years. I don’t see him often. Like me, he’s quiet and not so good at staying in touch. He always seemed very nice. Truthfully, I could never quite believe how nice he was. Although I remembered several instances of kindness, I never did the small amount of work required to stay in touch with him and see him from time to time. Partly this may have been because I’m generally consumed by my own struggles to stay upright; I’m so busy fighting battles (some of them imaginary, possibly) on my own that I forget about the friends around me who would happily help.
He did me a huge favor about 5 years ago by storing many, many boxes of my belongings in his basement. I used to keep the things in a large rented storage room that cost me a fair amount of money every month. At a particular moment — well, I was getting divorced — he offered to let me store things in his basement. I know he was partly interested in supporting my new business and work. Also, he had just bought the house. Originally, he said he’d charge me rent for storing things. I was fine with that and liked the idea of helping him out. Ultimately, he (intentionally) didn’t cash the checks I gave him. So, he stored my things for nothing, saving me massive amounts of money over the years. The most I’ve ever given him in return has been some wholesale deals on equipment he wanted for one of his hobbies.
I didn’t need frequent access to the things in storage and haven’t spoken with him in years. I contacted him this week because I want a couple instruments that I stored in his basement. I was a little embarrassed for being out of touch for so long, given that he was storing my things and probably seeing them every week or so.
At any rate, I got a very nice email back from him giving me an update and, although he was out of town, offered to arrange with his wife for me to have access to their basement and my things. One of the unexpected bits of bad news he gave me is that he and his wife might decide to sell the house and move out of town.
I had completely forgotten how nice this guy was. I’m annoyed with myself that I let this friendship languish and now it seems like it might be too late to develop it. I think this could be a truism for friendships: if you ignore them, they will go away. But I don’t know how to do much other than ignore them; truly, I don’t know what to do with friends.
I think I often want to make too big a deal out of getting together with people. But it’s partly because I’m at a total loss of what to do with them. If they’re not hiking, bicycling or music friends, what do we do? And I feel shy about inviting people to my apartment for dinner. I was more comfortable with that when I was married. My home is more of a work space/studio than a traditional comfy space for entertaining — like many people in this city, I suppose — so I rarely feel comfortable inviting people over.
The result ends up being isolation. Right now, that’s very much how it feels. I feel a bit in the dumps. Maybe it’s because I’m tired and a bit sick. Maybe also because some out-of-town friends are visiting so I feel self-conscious about my home.
At any rate….
Evidence of a friendly universe: friends you’ve forgotten about who do you massive favors.
Q